"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
- Oscar Wilde.
Psychologist say that almost every aspect of our lives - our personal happiness, success, relationships with others, achievement, creativity, dependencies, even our sex lives - revolves around one core characteristic: our self-esteem. In the deepest part of ourselves we all carry an image, of which we may not even be completely aware, of who we are as a person and how worthy we are in relation to others. Whether or not it actually corresponds to reality, this image guides us through our day-to-days, powerfully affecting everything from our choice of career and spouse to what kind of clothes we wear. This image can be compared to an oil painting - layer after layer of "paint" has been applied since our birth to create a complex internal representation. Each time our parents, teachers, or friends made a comment (like "you're stupid" or "you're the musical one in the family") and each time we interpreted others behavior toward us in a certain way ("Grandpa made Julie a doll-house because she's prettier"), we added another layer to that canvas. This painting now provides the backdrop for the way we carry out our lives, and is not easily altered once the layers are deep.
Self-esteem is essential to our ability to function in a healthy way. Without the foundation of a solid sense of self-worth, we are unable to take the risks and make the decisions necessary to lead a fulfilling, productive life. A low self-esteem corrodes our love lives, careers, family bonds, and, most importantly, our internal sense of well-being. A high self-esteem, on the other hand, brings the high level of confidence, problem-solving abilities, and assertiveness needed to achieve what Maslow called "self-actualization"- a continuous desire to fulfill potentials, to be all that you can be. People who have positive self-esteem have healthier, stronger relationships with others. Positive self-esteem is not to be confused with self-centeredness or acting superior, which are actually attempts to hide negative feelings of self. A strong sense of self-worth actually creates a type of self-fulfilling prophecy: the more you like yourself, the more you begin to act in likable ways; the more you believe you are able to achieve something, the more likely it is that you will.
Now for the good news: we can take steps to improve our self-esteem. Many of us carry self-doubts that limit our potential - we doubt how capable we are performing a new job, if we can keep our lover interested, or if we're smart enough to finish that university program. This is when the choice factor comes in: we can either let those self-doubts control our actions, or work through them by improving the things we can change and accepting those we can't. As deep as the layers of our self-image may go, we are all capable of stripping away the negative ones and replacing them with positive ones. And then we can start working on the most important relationship you'll ever have: your relationship with yourself.
Self-esteem Inventory (Test)
A-Z Healing